Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
