It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
