Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
