Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
