So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
