im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
