You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Send help, water and tortillas.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
