Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
