I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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