I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we're making bets on your personal life
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize