Im at strip club and am horny
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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