If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
