Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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