How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
