My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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