you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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