We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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