i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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