Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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