you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
