does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
