Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
