so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
