I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
