No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
