I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
