youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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