so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
