is your mom at the bar?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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