A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She has the best kind of daddy issues
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
