I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the condom got lost in my hair
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
