So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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