due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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