Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
