Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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