Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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