Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize