I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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