Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
