Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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