Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
