Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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