Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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