When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
