update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
