it hurts more in the daytime
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize