I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i think i just lost a toe
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
