Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
