So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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