bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Are we still banned from the library?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
