I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
