Nicole vs. Life
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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