i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
