did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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