the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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