cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize