I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
