I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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