I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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