I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
