Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
