God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
