He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
