New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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