I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
