who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
